A warm and Inviting Church, but with high expectations

Don Friesen
September 12, 2010
Ottawa Mennonite Church

www.ottawamennonite.ca

I want to thank you for inviting me for another term of service to this congregation. Our partnership has been a long and satisfying one, and much of that is due to your patience and charity with someone who has many deficits and faults. There's no way I've ever been able to measure up to the standards of the perfect pastor who, as you may know, condemns sin in the harshest of terms, but never hurts anyone's feelings; who is warm and friendly, but never over-familiar; who is humorous, but never funny; who focuses on the elderly, while spending most of his time with young people; and who comprehends the complexity of church finances, yet never talks about money.

I've come across several descriptions of the "perfect pastor," most of them penned by disgruntled former pastors, I presume. The ideal pastor, they say, is twenty-nine years old but has been in the ministry for thirty years! He doesn't cost very much because he lives by faith, yet he can be counted on to tithe and then some! He dresses for success with only the best that Value Village can offer. His eloquence is second to none, yet any idiot can understand him, and he speaks with a deep, resonant voice that is quietly loud, pleasing to everyone, and even audible to the hard of hearing.

Those are silly descriptions of pastors – congregational leaders – yet there is a grain of truth in them, for they reflect the inevitable range of expectations that exist in every congregation. Within every congregation there are polarities – pairs of realities or concerns that vie with each other for attention. The concerns of and for the young, for example, versus the concerns of seniors; the concerns of those who have a liberal view of things versus the concerns of those who have a conservative view of things. Some of us want to focus on building up the church, fostering our faith and unity, while others want to focus on outreach, service, and mission.

There is often tension in these polarity-pairs of realities, as there is in Christian theology, which emphasizes law and commandments on the one hand, gospel and grace on the other; Christ as both true God and true Man. Piety is often pitted against reason, saints against sinners, and the needs of the individual against the needs of the community. Some stress the purity of the Church over against the Church's engagement with society and culture. The polarities can get quite specific: infant baptism versus believer's baptism; open communion versus closed communion. Such polarized preferences also extend to pastors; some want the minister only in the role of enabler – or Melba toast, as our mayor might characterize it – while others want the minister to be a leader with spiritual authority.

We live with many polarities, and for some people they provide a very simple and orderly view of the world, separating the world neatly into good and bad. Witness, for example, the Florida friar desperate to burn the books of another religion, and the media who provided him with a megaphone. Some groups and businesses thrive and prosper on polarities.

Young Adults, apparently, Embrace the Polarities of Faith

Polarities, however, can create false dichotomies, and so it was interesting to me, this summer, to come across an article trying to identify what makes the church inviting to young adults. The article looked at a particular congregation with a particular gift, it seems, for attracting young adults. What makes this church different from many others is not just that it is growing, but the demographic category that is growing most quickly is adults in their 20s and 30s. At a recent reception of members – thirty in all – twenty-seven were under the age of 35. (Sarah B. Drummond, "Setting the Welcome Thermostat," Equipping #108, July & August 2010)

What caught my attention were the three pairs of polarities that make this congregation inviting to young adults. They liked this congregation, they said, because it is flexible, yet has high expectations. It's warm and inviting, but not desperate. It's a believing congregation, but not a dogmatic one. Those interviewed admitted that tension exists within each of these polarity-pairs, but they deemed it a healthy tension. Somehow this congregation has managed to keep its programs and schedules flexible – while fostering high expectations and a high degree of commitment of those involved.

This congregation has managed to provide young adults with a sense of belonging – while not conveying desperation. Recently a young adult I know went to a church for the first time, and found one of the ministers far too over-eager to welcome her. It almost scared her away!

This particular congregation, seemingly comfortable with polarities, has also managed to avoid offering a watered-down gospel; the young adults interviewed appreciate that the church knows who and Whose it is. They appreciate the church's integrity – the congruence between what the church says, and what it does.

Pairs of Polarities in the Scriptures

If young adults are comfortable with polarities, the Bible is certainly not uncomfortable with them. When I look at today's Scripture readings, I can identify a number of polarities. In the Gospel, for example, there are the "tax-collectors and sinners" on one side of an issue, and the "Pharisees and the scribes" on the other. (Luke 15:1-2) There are those who "welcome" sinners, and those who "grumble" about it. (15:2) There are those who "have" sheep, and those who "lose" them. (15:4) There is the question of "ninety-nine" sheep in the pen, and "one" sheep in the open. (15:4) There are states of being "lost" and states of being "found" (15:6), which is the common theme in several of these stories. (15:1-10) In the second story a widow's lost coin is found. (15:8-10) The lost-found pair of metaphors morph into a question over the needs of "one sinner who repents" versus the needs of "ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance. (15:7)

In our reading from 1 Timothy the Apostle Paul reflects on his own state of being, saying, "I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a man of violence" (1 Timothy 1:13) – and now, says Paul, "I am grateful to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, ...(who has) judged me faithful and appointed me to his service...." (1:1:12) The two states of being are poles apart!

In our reading from the psalms there are, on the one hand, all those things prompting the psalmist's confession – transgressions, iniquity, sin (Psalm 51:1-2, 9) – and on the other hand the actions that result in the opposite: the blotting out of transgressions, the thorough washing of iniquity, the cleansing from sin.

It struck me as I looked at these passages and other passages that came to mind, that the Scriptures are much more comfortable with contrast and polarity than are we, and that is particularly true of the Old Testament. Think of the first psalm, which sets up two vivid polarities. On the one hand are those who are "happy" (Psalm 1:1), who "delight ...in the law of the Lord," and "meditate (on it) day and night". (1:2) Those people "are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield ...fruit, ...and (which) ...prosper." (1:3) Opposite this group are those who "follow the advice of the wicked, ...take the path (of) sinners, (and) ...sit (with) scoffers". (1:1) They are like trees whose "leaves ...wither." (1:3) They are "wicked" and can be compared to "chaff that the wind drives away." (1:4) Their "way ...will perish" (1:6), says the psalmist.

Setting up such polarities was a conscious method of teaching in those days. A teacher of wisdom consciously contrasted two ways of living, so that those receiving his wisdom might live their lives intelligently and faithfully, very aware of the choices they make.

The classic example of Old Testament polarities, however, can be found in the teaching of the Old Testament philosopher, who wrote, "For everything there is a season, ...a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, ...heal; ...break down, ...build up; ...weep, ...laugh; ...mourn, ...dance; ...throw away, ...gather; ...embrace, ...refrain from embracing," and so on. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-6)

The philosopher's approach in the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes is more than a teaching device. It offers us a perspective on life that is very comfortable with polarities. He says that there is a time for this, and a time for its opposite, which may not sit well with people who like to look at life in very categorical, either/or terms. If we primarily see the world in terms of either/or, however, our world grows smaller and increasingly restricted, prompting folk-singer Susan Werner to sing, "If God is great and God is good, why is your heaven so small? (The Gospel Truth cd, 2007)

Some churches, or at least their leaders, cannot live with polarity or ambiguity. They reduce the gospel to one or two things, one or two issues, and expect everyone to fall in line. The Old Testament philosopher invites us to consider looking at life in a more layered manner, to approach truth in a gentler manner. Yes, there are saints, and there are sinners, and sometimes they're the same people! It's a rich and complex world, where the faithful can be unfaithful. There is both love among and within us, and hate. There is both grace among and within us, and hardness of heart. There is both humility among and within us, and pride and presumption. Perhaps the philosopher is inviting us to see God at work in all the seasons and experiences of our lives, knowing full well we are an amalgam of many polarities.

Is there a Time to Strive for a Balanced Church?

There are times when we focus on one thing to the detriment of others – as our own tradition has often done – but perhaps there is also a time to strive for a balance. Too often congregations binge on one thing to the detriment of other important things, and thus become unbalanced, its members also in danger of becoming spiritually unbalanced.

This is true for individuals. To binge on one spiritual virtue is like restricting our physical diet to one item – pistachios, say, to name one very tasty, addictive food – and while pistachios are not unhealthy, it's best to have a balanced diet, and to indulge in pistachios only now and then. The Scriptures say as much, Proverbs telling us, for example, that "if you find honey, eat just enough – too much of it, and you will vomit." (Proverbs 25:16, NIV)

Similarly, in the church, even what is right and good can be overdone. Orthodoxy, for example, is a virtue to some, but when a church overdoses on orthodoxy it may lack warmth and relevance. Fostering fellowship and emphasizing the shared life of the Christian community is right and good, but as an exclusive goal it may push outreach and other priorities to the sidelines. Trying really hard to be relevant to today's headlines is prompted by a legitimate concern to connect with current issues, but if that is the sole agenda of the Church, our historic rootedness in Scripture may be sacrificed. Addressing social justice issues is a biblical imperative, but if the spirituality that inspires it is neglected, it becomes an unbalanced and brittle fixation that inspires no one. (adapted from Don Posterski, "Binge on balance," Faith Today, November, 1993)

Anyone who has learned to ride a bicycle knows that balance is very important. Leaning too far in one direction or another is dangerous. It's why our kids start off using bicycles with training wheels attached. Similarly, the extremes of each polarity we invoke in the Church carry some danger, for each polarity includes elements we want to foster. The trick lies in finding ways to balance the polarities creatively.

Another person who hails from Horse Lake, Saskatchewan – and there aren't that many of us – recently told me of a friend of his who shows bulls at livestock shows. Although I have never seen a bull in a china shop, I can imagine how much damage one might do! Well, one of the training methods this fellow uses to prevent a bull from being bullish in the show ring is to tie a mule he keeps on hand for precisely this purpose, to the bull! The mule and bull are attached by a rope for several weeks. Predictably, the two animals, one as stubborn as the next, engage in pulling competitions, but the bull soon discovers that if he wants to do anything – like eat, for example – he must take the mule into consideration.

Most of our pulling competitions are more genteel, but we all know that where two or three – and especially 250 – are gathered together, we are pulled in various directions. It may behoove us, to paraphrase another Saskatchewan native (Joni Mitchell), to look at congregations "from both sides now". Polarities, tensions that are inherent in the system, and key to its fundamental dynamics, are not necessarily a weakness; they may be signs of vitality, and may help us to avoid rushing into one camp or the other so as to more easily stereotype, dehumanize, and demonize those in the other camp.

A Warm and Inviting Congregation with High Expectations

I would like to suggest, over the next three Sundays, some polarities we might embrace, even foster, so as to become balanced Christians in a balanced congregation in an ofttimes unbalanced world. And the first pair of polarities I suggest is to put energy and thought into becoming a warm and inviting congregation, while at the same time conveying high expectations of each other as well as those we invite to join us.

There are certainly many examples of churches that are not warm and inviting. A couple that came back to North America after twenty years abroad found it difficult to find a warm and friendly church. "Our expectations were modest," they said. "We did not presume to receive casseroles at the door, (or) invitations to supper...." Instead, they found that "greetings at the church door were usually perfunctory...." (Gene and Nancy Preston, "A Friendly Church Is Hard to Find," Christian Century, January 30, 1991) The most egregious example of bad manners came from one pastor who discussed church business with the Church Council chair while the visitors stood nearby hopeful of acknowledgment. After five minutes they left! They visited ten churches, but by the end of the summer they hadn't affiliated with any of them. "It proved easier to find a good plumber," they said.

I read of one congregation that considers itself attractive and inviting, but that then listed as the reason for their attractiveness the fact that they have an attractive building, described as "historic, simple yet elegant with several conveniently-located washrooms!" A church's physical space is important, but if I want a conveniently-located washroom I have that at home! The person describing this church got a little closer to the mark by describing visitors who "have stayed and settled in, glad to finally find a way of being Christian with integrity," says the pastor. "Most of you have found the version of Christianity taught and practised here attractive," he writes, but then adds, "...or, at least, not repulsive." Wow! That's hardly compelling. When I look for a church I'm looking for something more than the absence of repulsive characteristics!

Some congregations think that to be warm and inviting is to offer a free ride. Make it easy for visitors! Offer them a stripped-down version of the gospel. Offer visitors a half-hour worship service, a five-percent tithe, and their choice of any five of the Ten Commandments, and they will come! Offer them, as some churches do, wealth and happiness and songs with shallow lyrics, and we too could be a friendly church.

I'm really not sure that approach works. One young adult searching for a church says, "I don't want to be in a church where I am asking what they can do for me. I want to be in a place where the whole point of meeting together is to be sent out into the world, to struggle together, (and) to ask what we can do as the body of Christ." (Ashley Piled, January 27, 2009)

She tells of visiting what appeared to be a large, young, attractive congregation, but there was so much similarity, and it seemed to her to be just another group of people catering to the dominant culture, drawing people to the church with a message similar to the message of factory discount retail outlets! That was not the object of her search. She was looking for a way to serve, to connect, and to be discipled by more seasoned believers.

I think that our own congregation can be a warm and inviting church and still convey the rigour of the gospel's demands. The gospel should raise the bar of our commitment to Christ, not lower it! God has high expectations of us. Jesus says that everyone connected to him is expected to bear fruit. (John 15:1-4) Where's the evidence of our devotion to Christ?

I don't think people who seek out a church are looking for a cosmetic faith, but for a faith that challenges them, that moves them out of their comfort zone. They are looking for spiritual depth, which, by its very nature is going to wear a warm and inviting face. An inviting community of faith provides space for finding personal meaning and purpose, space for finding and developing a relationship with God, a place to call home, as well as a place that offers opportunities to make a difference in this world. A healthy, balanced church is one that strives to equip the saints to be effective witnesses to what they believe, why they believe, and in Whom they believe.