Do not Lose Heart:
In Honour of Saint Valentinus

The modern commemoration of Valentine's Day may have originated in Europe, but it's celebrated around the world. In Brazil the Dia dos Namorados – literally "Day of the Enamoured" – is celebrated, but not on February 14, it being so close to Carnival, which gives more than enough opportunity for love, especially in its more debauched forms.

In Asia, thanks to a concentrated marketing effort, Singaporeans, Chinese and South Koreans spend the most money on Valentine's gifts. In Japan one of the biggest Japanese confectionery companies originated the present custom that women give chocolates to men. The Japanese National Confectionery Industry Association, however, also created a "reply day," where men are expected to return the favour to those who gave them chocolates on Valentine's Day. Crafty bunch, those confectioners!

Why – you may well ask – why would the Church want anything to do with a holiday synonymous with superficial love and commercial kitsch? I would hope that the Church would not invest too heavily in those aspects of the holiday, but let me play devil's advocate for a moment. The Church encourages love. The Church encourages love that leads to marriage. The Church performs marriages, encourages love between spouses, encourages fidelity and a whole bunch of other wholesome things associated with love.

In addition, the Bible is not a romantic-love-free zone. The Old Testament love poem, Song of Solomon, for example, describes a lover as a "gazelle" and a "young stag". (Song of Solomon 2:9) Sounds like romantic love to me! The Song of Solomon does a pretty good job of describing the feelings of two people who have fallen hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with each other. "You have ravished my heart," says the man, "you have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes...." (4:9)

"With one glance from your eyes
and the glow of your necklace,
you have stolen my heart.
Your love is sweeter than wine;
the smell of your perfume
is more fragrant than spices.
Your lips are a honeycomb;
milk and honey flow from your tongue." (4:9-11, CEV)

"Let the north wind blow,
the south wind too!
Let them spread the aroma of my garden,
so the one I love
may enter
and taste
its delicious fruits." (4:16, CEV)

Let's not Forget Valentinus

There is yet another reason why Valentine's Day might be of interest to the Church, and its origins can be found centuries earlier, long before Valentine's Day was co-opted for the exploitation of people so hopelessly in love, so besotted, that they are defenceless – they'll spend anything, go anywhere, do anything to show their love. The reason Valentine's Day may be of interest to the Church has to do with the day's namesake. There actually was a Saint Valentine, Valentinus his Latin name. He was a third century priest and martyr. The details of his life are a bit sketchy, as are most things 1800 years old, but the story is that Valentinus served the Church during the reign of the Roman Emperor, Claudius Gothicus. (213-270) Claudius was a warmonger, an aggressor in many bloody and unpopular military campaigns. He needed a steady stream of soldiers to feed his war efforts. The stream of volunteer soldiers was starting to peter out; men didn't want to leave their wives and girlfriends and go off somewhere from where they might very well not return! Claudius grew impatient and angry, and then came up with the insane idea that if men were not married, they would not mind joining his army! So he banned marriage! He cancelled all weddings!

People thought his new law was cruel. Valentinus thought it was ridiculous and kept on performing marriage ceremonies – secretly – but apparently not secretly enough, for he was arrested, brought before the Emperor, and interrogated by the Emperor himself. Impressed with Valentinus, Claudius attempted to convert him to Roman paganism; Valentinus refused and tried, imprudently, to convert Claudius to Christianity, whereupon the Emperor ordered his execution, which took place outside the Flaminian Gate in Rome in the year 270. (A.D.)

This is a story the confectioners neglect to tell us! The Church used to tell us the story, having included Valentinus since the fifth century in the list of saints commemorated. However, just as a minister deteriorates over time, the evolution of this holy day went from marking a courageous witness associated with the union of lovers under stressful conditions, to a day that is now celebrated by the widespread exchange of romantic little messages called valentines. I imagine that the modern Roman Catholic Church was not pleased with this evolution, because in 1969 the Saint Valentine's feast was dropped from the liturgical calendar. Even as far back as the Victorian era Valentine's cards had become racy, and the burgeoning number of obscene valentines finally caused several countries to ban the practice of exchanging them. Late in the nineteenth century the post office in Chicago rejected some 25,000 cards on the grounds that they were not fit to be carried by post.

Today Valentinus is barely remembered. In the mid-nineteenth century Father John Spratt (1796-1871), a noted Irish Carmelite preacher, was in Rome. His preaching and his work with the poor so impressed Pope Gregory XVI that the pope presented him with the relics of Saint Valentinus as a reward for his good works. Consequently, the remains of Valentinus now reside in Dublin, where they were once again forgotten, until the 1950s. Today many people visit the saintly remains on Saint Valentine's Day, when the casket is carried in solemn procession to the high altar for a special Mass dedicated to young people and all those in love.

Marriage Could Use an Advocate like Valentinus

I don't think there's any way at all that the Church can possibly turn a Hallmark holiday back into a holy day, but I like the story of Valentinus, for several reasons. Firstly, I like it because it's an eccentric way of looking at a popular custom. I like what Arthur Boers said last week about the word, "eccentric," its meaning having to do, not so much with its common usage – meaning unusual, odd, or unconventional – but with its literal meaning, which refers to circles, one circle not being concentric to another. It's a circle that does not have its axis placed centrally, and in theological usage it means that Christians have a point of reference that is not the same as the mainstream culture's point of reference. And so with respect to modern commemorations like Valentine's Day, we don't mindlessly join in the fun! We give the observance second, sober thought.

Secondly, I warm to the story of Saint Valentinus because modern marriage desperately needs an advocate like him, someone who will go to the mat for marriage! Imagine that! Marriage could use a patron saint! I was troubled last year, when, looking for the historical moments I put in our weekly bulletin in anticipation of our fiftieth anniversary, I came across a Sunday morning service that featured a panel on "The Future of the Family". Of the seven or eight participants, only one of them is still with the spouse he or she was with at the time!

Marriage has taken a beating in the last century, which accounts for almost all humour about marriage being negative and mean-spirited. I heard of a woman who answered the doorbell and found two neighbourhood children, a four-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy, decked out in their parents' clothes, standing at the door. The little girl said, "My husband and I have come to visit." The woman invited them into the living room, where she served them cookies and lemonade. When she asked if they would like some more, the little girl replied, politely, "No, thank you. We must be going now. My husband just wet his pants." There's no perfect marriage, even in make-believe circumstances. Yogi Berra captured our inability to master the intricacies of marriage when upon Joe DiMaggio's marriage to Marilyn Monroe he quipped: "It sure beats rooming with Phil Rizzuto." I suppose one could take the path of the Shakers, who practised celibacy, but as a consequence all that they left behind was their furniture!

I freely admit that any one of our marriages can fail. None of us are immune to the forces that erode, if not destroy the trust a relationship requires to thrive. It also doesn't help that young people, even Christian young people, treat marriage casually, often as an after-thought. The thought that one of our spiritual forebears went to his death for the sake of marriage could be a sobering thought, if we let it be.

Do not Lose Heart

A third reason I like the story of Saint Valentinus is that is a story of valour. A quaint word, I admit, but it describes well a person who chose God over empire. As such, he warms my Anabaptist heart.

Our culture tells us that our love for another person is best expressed commercially, the florists telling us to "say it with flowers," the jewelry stores telling us to "say it with diamonds," and the confectioners telling us that love is best expressed when our mouths are full of chocolate. The story of Valentinus urges us to say it with valour! Say it with a deep and courageous love! Valentinus loved God with all his heart, soul, mind, and a strength that met the ultimate test.

I remember, ten years ago, watching my brother-in-law tenderly nursing his dying wife. I watched this free spirit tied down by illness, but subjecting to it without complaint. It was painful to see a humble man suffer such loss, but it was incredibly moving to be a witness to the beauty of faithfulness. Say it with valour. Say it with faithfulness.

The Scriptures encourage such a love. 1 Corinthians 13 is often read at weddings, and its lessons are not lost on marriages, but it was addressed to a congregation, a congregation with problems very similar to those encountered in marital relationships. That classic passage describes a love with depth – a more excellent way, as the Apostle Paul describes it. (1 Corinthians 12:31)

The Old Testament book of Hosea speaks of a stubbornly hopeful fidelity, despite all episodes of unfaithfulness in the past. Much as Hosea hopes to win back Gomer's love, so God yearns to win back Israel. "I will ...allure her, ...and speak tenderly to her" (Hosea 2:14), says God, speaking like a lover. "I will win her back with words of love." (TEV)

Our Gospel reading (Luke 6:27-38) goes even further than the other readings, challenging us to love even our enemies. That's how deep Christian love should be, said Jesus. When loved by such love, we do not lose heart.

Nearly a thousand years ago, Saint Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153), another saint of the Church, wrote:

"Love is sufficient of itself.... Its profit lies in its practice. I love because I love, I love that I may love. Love is a great thing so long as it continually returns to its fountainhead, flows back to its source, always drawing from there the water which constantly replenishes it."